#1141: “Help with De-Escalating Arguments when Dr. Jekyll Turns into Mr. ‘Abandonment/Control Issues’ Hyde”

Originally posted on Captain Awkward:
Behind a cut for controlling and emotionally abusive behavior. Dear Cap, My husband (he/him) and I (she/her) have been together for five years. I’d say 95% of the time things are great. We’re really in tune, we share values and interests and have the same long term goals. The problem is the other 5% (maybe once every 3 months), in which I feel like I’ve entered a bizarre relationship version of “Who’s Line is it Anyway?” where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter. I think I’ve finally nailed the issue down to: every few months, any perceived rejection/abandonment of him by me will result in long and confusing fights. This can be something like someone else is taking too much of my attention or it can be that I disagree with an idea/thought/offer he has. The fights usually surprise me because of how small the thing is that triggers the fight.…