It’s been a while and I apologize for that. I’ve had multiple health issues and personal problems and responsibilities come up. I’ve even had to take a hiatus from one of my contracts due to stress. Things I’m processing: My health and the effect it has on my life and the people around me. The amount of emotional labor I put into my relationships with people and how much of the time I do not get back what I put in. My goals in life and how to accomplish them. I’m finding that the more I think about myself and my needs/wants, the more I realize that I am stupidly over-generous, too kind, too giving and helpful, and there isn’t a single person on this planet who will do for me what I do for others without the relationship being at risk of becoming toxic So. How do I take care of myself as a disabled person who has challenges
Thoughts I’m having right now The hardest thing about being the most (emotionally) resilient person you know is that you don’t feel like you can genuinely be vulnerable in front of anyone. You’re too focused on everyone else, and you don’t trust they can handle the full weight of your pain.
TRIGGER WARNING – Mental health Check out this piece from The Mighty: When You’re ‘Too Functional’ to Have Your Mental Illness Taken Seriously I have diagnosed PTSD, depression, and anxiety; sometimes it’s obvious, but a lot of the time I look and act relatively normal. Like most people with chronic health issues, I fake being well and healthy. I’m not. I rarely cry or stay in bed all day (unless my pain level is high), which is what people seem to expect of those with mental illness. If I say anything, it’s generally offhand or the lite version. When my ex attacked me I called the police in a calm voice, I addressed the officers with a calm voice, but my hands were shaking so hard I almost couldn’t fill out the paperwork, but everyone told me how strong I was. I didn’t feel strong, I felt betrayed and terrified. And for weeks after I had to sleep with a
Here’s what I’m currently working on. It’s the Virus pattern for a shawl. This one is keeping me on my toes; it’s tricky!
I’m registered to vote. I’ve been voting since I turned 18 and have voted in every election since. You might
Hallo! Thank you for your patience! I am still kicking! Mostly. I’ve had a lot going on. During one of my conventions in July, I caught the nasty flu that was going around and ended up sick in bed for a while after the con. After that, the smoke from the numerous fires going on wiped me out for a long while (I ended up buying some heavy duty air purifiers to help). I started classes again and have also been looking to move into a bigger home. The humans I live with have been causing me a large amount of emotional labor, and my health has flared up several times as well. It’s been a busy (and draining) summer! I have a list of topics to blog about for you, and I’m slowly working my way through them as I have time and energy. From air quality to scheduled date nights, how I feel about being seen as intimidating,
Originally posted on CaptainAwkward.com:
Behind a cut for controlling and emotionally abusive behavior. Dear Cap, My husband (he/him) and I (she/her) have been together for five years. I’d say 95% of the time things are great. We’re really in tune, we share values and interests and have the same long term goals. The problem is the other 5% (maybe once every 3 months), in which I feel like I’ve entered a bizarre relationship version of “Who’s Line is it Anyway?” where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter. I think I’ve finally nailed the issue down to: every few months, any perceived rejection/abandonment of him by me will result in long and confusing fights. This can be something like someone else is taking too much of my attention or it can be that I disagree with an idea/thought/offer he has. The fights usually surprise me because of how small the thing is that triggers the fight.…
Trigger Warning: I talk about depression and suicide in this post. (Photo is from wikimedia commons) If you need support,
I typically don’t believe I should feel guilty for liking something, so here are a few things I do that usually earn me the reaction of “Your doing/eating ________ again?!” Dark Chocolate Pizza Mints Video/board/card games Buying more yarn/fabric/craft supplies Buying more tea More books Taking photos of my cats Purchasing the cats more toys, special treats, etc Napping Dragging my nest of blankets around the house Having craft/art projects all over What do you do that people roll their eyes at?
I’m home from the con, but I caught whatever was going around and have been stuck in bed since Sunday. My throat is a nest of ulcers, and I’m only able to swallow cold water at this point. Now it’s a waiting game while my body fights off whatever this is. Been awake an hour, time to nap again. -_- Be well!