High Functioning

TRIGGER WARNING – Mental health

Check out this piece from The Mighty: When You’re ‘Too Functional’ to Have Your Mental Illness Taken Seriously

I have diagnosed PTSD, depression, and anxiety; sometimes it’s obvious, but a lot of the time I look and act relatively normal. Like most people with chronic health issues, I fake being well and healthy. I’m not. I rarely cry or stay in bed all day (unless my pain level is high), which is what people seem to expect of those with mental illness. If I say anything, it’s generally offhand or the lite version.

When my ex attacked me I called the police in a calm voice, I addressed the officers with a calm voice, but my hands were shaking so hard I almost couldn’t fill out the paperwork, but everyone told me how strong I was. I didn’t feel strong, I felt betrayed and terrified. And for weeks after I had to sleep with a weapon of some sort near me, I checked the lock on my apartment door several times a day. Any weird sound woke me up, and I was tired all the time from poor sleep.

I can be shattered inside and still smile and help others. But that doesn’t mean I’m fine. I hate being a burden, so I gloss over my pain and muddle through.

So here’s a tip: Check in with your high-functioning friends. It’s hard for a lot of us to ask for help, we think we’re annoying/a bother/ a burden/whatever. If you feel you want to help say something like “Hey, I’d like to come over/do something fun with you. When’s good?” It’s easy to send messages, but actually showing up? That means the world. (Obviously, notes are sweet too, and being there physically isn’t always an option) And don’t forget to take care of yourself. As someone who gives *way* too much of themselves to others and doesn’t keep enough for herself, set healthy boundaries.

#MakeChesterProud

Trigger Warning: I talk about depression and suicide in this post.
(Photo is from wikimedia commons)

If you need support, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.

It’s 100% okay to ask for help.

Like many people all over the world, Linkin Park was/is a source of validation and solace in dark times. I still find myself listening to their songs when I need the outlet they offer. I’ve never dealt with addiction, but depression and thoughts of suicide, feeling trapped and alone, I understand those feelings. I don’t often get to that dark place as often as I used to (when I was a teen it was horrible), but I still find myself there at times.

When I found out Chester (and Avicii and Robin Williams) had died of mental illness complications, I was incredibly sad. I was sad for him, that the darkness plagued him had finally won. Even people with the financial means for great healthcare have trouble. People we think are somehow not touched by the same problems that get to us regular folks have struggles too. I felt terrible for his bandmates, friends and family because that had to be uniquely painful. Then for his fans, especially those, like me, who had found acceptance in his and Linkin Park’s music. But I was also proud of him, he’d used the depression to create music and songs that touched many. He’d fought that battle for a long time and did amazing things. He helped a lot of people. So #makechesterproud today however you feel that works for you. (Self-care, writing, listening to someone, hugging your pet/friends/family, saying hi to someone you know is struggling, attending a memorial, donating time or money to a cause,…)

For me, I’m sharing a couple things today in addition to self-care and cat snuggles. (I’m having a flare today and I have to do something later and need to rest for it. I was at a funeral yesterday for a family member and I’m a bit wrung out.)

First, this article from The Mighty that includes Linkin Park songs that folks said were influential for them.  I would add Iridescent to that list.

Second, memorial events are going on all over the world if anyone wishes to join online or in person.

You are not alone. You matter.

Sending virtual comfort and praise to Linkin Park and Chester’s family and friends.

Post Con Resting

I survived con! WOO!

On the other hand, I’m super exhausted and achy. Emotionally wrung out. And I want to hibernate for 3 months.

I’m fortunate to have such an incredible team working with me, couldn’t do it without them. ❤

I have another con in 2 weeks that I have to prep for, and I’m sitting here going, “I don’t want to do any adulting!”

I will be spotty in my posts for another bit. Thank you for your patience and understanding! ❤

Doing Too Much

I apologize for the lack of posts. I’ve been dealing with these bouts of extreme exhaustion (with other symptoms) for the past few months; my mental health professional thinks it’s hypothyroid (both my parents have it). Unfortunately, recent blood tests put my thyroid function at the low end of normal, so getting someone to look into it further is…going to be a struggle. I haven’t had the mental or physical energy to deal with the uphill battle as of yet.

I’ve been working on my stories when I have the mental capacity to do so (I have collected quite a bit of inspiration) and am also learning to crochet via YouTube because in the past knitting has helped me deal with overwhelming anxiety. I’m dealing with anxiety and stress right now because I’m feeling useless for not bringing in more income or keeping up on the household chores. On top of that, we’re looking at moving which means I’ve been trying to clean, organize, and cull things to prepare for showing the townhouse as well as prep for moving. My eczema has flared up as a result. So rude of it!

I think I may be trying to accomplish too much all at once. Haha. I’m prioritizing moving and doing the other things when I have to rest but do not need a nap.