I saw a post this morning about how ADHD makes it difficult (or impossible) to form habits, and it resonated, so I decided to blog about it regarding my relationships and how the mental load of keeping up with routines associated with keeping up relationships takes up space in my brain. Hopefully, this link works for context. I do not form habits; I create routines, and I HAVE to have them because I’m also autistic. For example, my morning routine is: If something interrupts that routine, I typically forget to take my meds, but I remember Howl’s. (Howl is one of my beloved cats.) As I’ve been unmasking over the past couple of years and transitioning from being a stay-at-home household manager to a small business owner and gig worker, I have noticed that my tendency to simplify my life when I’m stressed has become increasingly frequent. Because I cannot often autopilot (habit), I am using a lot of my
Slowly Unpacking the Pain
Breakups suck. The emotional and physical fallout is taking its toll in the form of depression, mental fatigue, anxiety, and physical symptoms like pain flares. At least I’m not crying as much now, but the random panic attacks can be debilitating. Thankfully I have medication prescribed to me to help. Knowing it’s for the best only gets me so far. There’s a lot that I greatly miss. I miss him reading to me. The intonations and emotions he expressed when reading, plus sharing the stories themselves, were a form of intimacy I reveled in. I miss gaming with him. There’s new content coming out, and I won’t be able to experience the story and new places with him. I miss his touch. His flexing fingers at me while walking indicated he wanted to hold hands. He’d hug me tightly when we hadn’t seen each other in a while. Wrap his arms around me when I was cooking. When he’d brush
It’s been a while and I apologize for that. I’ve had multiple health issues and personal problems and responsibilities come up. I’ve even had to take a hiatus from one of my contracts due to stress. Things I’m processing: My health and the effect it has on my life and the people around me. The amount of emotional labor I put into my relationships with people and how much of the time I do not get back what I put in. My goals in life and how to accomplish them. I’m finding that the more I think about myself and my needs/wants, the more I realize that I am stupidly over-generous, too kind, too giving and helpful, and there isn’t a single person on this planet who will do for me what I do for others without the relationship being at risk of becoming toxic So. How do I take care of myself as a disabled person who has challenges
Blog Challenge: Liebster Award
A fellow blogger, Kim who writes I tripped over a Stone, shared that she was nominated to do this blog challenge, and nominated anyone who wanted to join in. I’ve been staring at spreadsheets and creating newsletters for long enough that my brain needs a break. I even took a nap today, but still tired. Blah! How it works: Thank the blogger who nominated you. Share eleven facts about yourself. Answer the eleven questions the blogger gave you. Nominate eleven bloggers who deserve the award. Create eleven original questions for the nominees to answer. Let them know they have been nominated. Eleven facts about me: I wear the mantle of Crazy Cat Lady with pride, and like most cat people, there are more photos of my furbabies on my phone than anything else. I’m the human to 5 cats. I am a huge geek/nerd. My house is full of collectibles! Mainly comic books, sci-fi, and fantasy. There is a Millenium Flacon
I’ve been watching YouTube videos on how to crochet. I can knit decently, but always wanted to learn to crochet as well. It’s enjoyable to make things and keep my hands busy, and this is something I can do when I do not have much energy. Hobbies are essential, so is learning new skills. I challenge you to learn something new today!
Today is a day to celebrate the love in our lives. If you don’t have a romantic Valentine, that’s okay!
30 Things, Rx
Ah, medications. I’m thankful they exist to help me, and others, to improve our quality of life and be able to function as best we are able. Currently, my AM medications are on the light side, I was kicked off my health insurance for a few months in 2017 and had to cut down to the very minimum that I needed to function. Ranitidine – GERD Progesterone – Premenstrual Dysmorphic Disorder and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome Previously I also took Synthroid for hypothyroidism; I ought to get back on that. It helped with my symptoms. My evening medications consist of Ranitidine – GERD Sertraline aka Zoloft – Depression, PTSD, PMDD, OCD Cetirizine aka Zyrtec – Allergies Azo – IC Hydroxyzine – Anxiety and insomnia
Due to my inability to work a “normal” job *annoyed face*, I am working on a couple avenues of income that are more flexible than a more traditional office career. Freelancing as a project coordinator and volunteer manager with administrative assistance experience, and writing my blog and fictional stories. I’m starting to write based on dreams I have had. I’ll be expanding these, mostly, incomplete stories into both written and webcomic forms. I hope. I have quite a bit of drawing and webcomic practice in my future, and I need to read more about creative writing and how to tell great stories (I’m told by friends that I am a decent storyteller and just need to expand on these dreams). Thankfully I have a lot of material to work with, my subconscious is quite imaginative. I will continue my blog because it is essential to me to create space for others who need a place they feel comfortable, as well
30 Things, Pain Level
My pain comes from multiple sources; Interstitial Cystitis, osteoarthritis, headaches/migraines/sinuses, fibromyalgia, and sometimes IBS. I have kept a pain diary to track my symptoms and draw correlations between food, activities, weather, and the like, to my pain. Correlation does not equal causation, but it’s a place to start. Especially with diseases that are not well understood. The favored approach to asking about pain is to measure it on a scale of 1 to 10, this tool isn’t the best because it assumes the person only has a single type of pain at any given time. For those of us who suffer from multiple pain conditions, this query seems like a trick question. I’ve started focusing on each individually if I’m in for a specific thing I stick to that. A snapshot of this moment: 1 = No pain, 10 = Worst pain imaginable Right now my overall pain is 5, there are no days when I’m pain-free. Most days I’m
30 Things, Hobbies
Hobbies! (I had a little time to squeeze this in) I have a lot of hobbies. I love to make/create things, it’s improved my mood, and I feel like I accomplished something when I finish a project. Knitting I’m going to learn to crochet this year. Yay YouTube! It’s a fun activity to do while watching TV/Movies. Sewing I like to make my own clothing and costumes from time-to-time. I also enjoy silk embroidery. Painting and drawing On pretty much anything. I find it relaxing. Photography I have a quality DSLR, and I love taking photos outside when I’m feeling up to it. Camping I feel the most relaxed and happy when I am able to disconnect and enjoy nature. Also, gives me lots to photograph. Reading/audiobooks Stories are essential, reading can improve empathy. The Scientific American and The Washington Post wrote articles about the subject. Fantasy, Sci-fi, horror, and graphic novels/comics. Learning new skills Games Board games, table-top, card,