#MakeChesterProud

Trigger Warning: I talk about depression and suicide in this post.
(Photo is from wikimedia commons)

If you need support, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 741-741.

It’s 100% okay to ask for help.

Like many people all over the world, Linkin Park was/is a source of validation and solace in dark times. I still find myself listening to their songs when I need the outlet they offer. I’ve never dealt with addiction, but depression and thoughts of suicide, feeling trapped and alone, I understand those feelings. I don’t often get to that dark place as often as I used to (when I was a teen it was horrible), but I still find myself there at times.

When I found out Chester (and Avicii and Robin Williams) had died of mental illness complications, I was incredibly sad. I was sad for him, that the darkness plagued him had finally won. Even people with the financial means for great healthcare have trouble. People we think are somehow not touched by the same problems that get to us regular folks have struggles too. I felt terrible for his bandmates, friends and family because that had to be uniquely painful. Then for his fans, especially those, like me, who had found acceptance in his and Linkin Park’s music. But I was also proud of him, he’d used the depression to create music and songs that touched many. He’d fought that battle for a long time and did amazing things. He helped a lot of people. So #makechesterproud today however you feel that works for you. (Self-care, writing, listening to someone, hugging your pet/friends/family, saying hi to someone you know is struggling, attending a memorial, donating time or money to a cause,…)

For me, I’m sharing a couple things today in addition to self-care and cat snuggles. (I’m having a flare today and I have to do something later and need to rest for it. I was at a funeral yesterday for a family member and I’m a bit wrung out.)

First, this article from The Mighty that includes Linkin Park songs that folks said were influential for them.  I would add Iridescent to that list.

Second, memorial events are going on all over the world if anyone wishes to join online or in person.

You are not alone. You matter.

Sending virtual comfort and praise to Linkin Park and Chester’s family and friends.

Blog Challenge: Liebster Award

A fellow blogger, Kim who writes I tripped over a Stone, shared that she was nominated to do this blog challenge, and nominated anyone who wanted to join in.

I’ve been staring at spreadsheets and creating newsletters for long enough that my brain needs a break. I even took a nap today, but still tired. Blah!


How it works:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  2. Share eleven facts about yourself.
  3. Answer the eleven questions the blogger gave you.
  4. Nominate eleven bloggers who deserve the award.
  5. Create eleven original questions for the nominees to answer.
  6. Let them know they have been nominated.

Eleven facts about me:

  1. I wear the mantle of Crazy Cat Lady with pride, and like most cat people, there are more photos of my furbabies on my phone than anything else. I’m the human to 5 cats.
  2. I am a huge geek/nerd. My house is full of collectibles! Mainly comic books, sci-fi, and fantasy. There is a Millenium Flacon in my kitchen and a Tie-fighter in my living room. Thor’s hammer is sitting next to my Pip-Boy box.
  3. I love dark chocolate, Marrons Glaces, pizza, cheese, and mints.
  4. I make seriously good lobster mac and cheese, among other things. I enjoy cooking and baking, and do a lot of special foods for the people I know with food allergies and sensitivities. I keep a list of all my friends’ and family’s food allergies and sensitivities in an excel spreadsheet.
  5. Hats! Hats! Hats!
  6. I want to make webcomics and write stories. I’m taking online drawing classes.
  7. I’ve taught myself several skills such as crochet, baking, photography, and doll wig making. I have way too many hobbies. I plan to sell the dolls wigs for mulah.
  8. I literally have a wall of board/card games.
  9. I’m a tea snob.
  10. I collect art.
  11. I’m working on a Bachelor’s Degree in IT – Project management.

“Take eleven photographs that will help us understand what you blog about and post them! There is no right or wrong way to do this. You can write explanations or not. It is all up to you! Help us learn about your purpose!” – Kim

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My family! The reason I get up in the morning.

 

 

 

 

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Our local botanic garden has stunning water lilies. (Photo by me)
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My first crochet project.

 

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The not so glamorous basket of medicines.

 

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Second doll wig I’ve made. Yes, I’m an adult and I play with dolls, get over it.

 

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You are safe with me, I am an ally (From the MKE LGBT website)

 

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I survived.

 

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Healthy relationships take many forms.

 

 

 

 

Ok, so I ended up with 12 photos. 😉


If you are somehow still with me, I nominate you to do this also!

Your mission, should your choose to accept it.

Make eleven memes about your life and what you blog about. Travel, chronic illness, food, art, whichever.

Here’s my example.

 

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My chronic illnesses cause brain fog.

 

 

 

 

Doing Too Much

I apologize for the lack of posts. I’ve been dealing with these bouts of extreme exhaustion (with other symptoms) for the past few months; my mental health professional thinks it’s hypothyroid (both my parents have it). Unfortunately, recent blood tests put my thyroid function at the low end of normal, so getting someone to look into it further is…going to be a struggle. I haven’t had the mental or physical energy to deal with the uphill battle as of yet.

I’ve been working on my stories when I have the mental capacity to do so (I have collected quite a bit of inspiration) and am also learning to crochet via YouTube because in the past knitting has helped me deal with overwhelming anxiety. I’m dealing with anxiety and stress right now because I’m feeling useless for not bringing in more income or keeping up on the household chores. On top of that, we’re looking at moving which means I’ve been trying to clean, organize, and cull things to prepare for showing the townhouse as well as prep for moving. My eczema has flared up as a result. So rude of it!

I think I may be trying to accomplish too much all at once. Haha. I’m prioritizing moving and doing the other things when I have to rest but do not need a nap.

Feelings on Florida

In regards to this latest act of domestic terrorism:

Yes, I’m going to call it terrorism, the point was to terrify the victims and to then destroy them. To become infamous. The shooter wanted attention, he was angry, he’s a product of a toxic culture both close to him, and in our society.

We need to address this as a society. It seems like a lot of these domestic terrorists lack the emotional tools necessary to handle stress, disappointment, toxicity around them, and even fundamental social interactions (i.e., Being rejected as a love interest/sexual partner). We need to make sure that people are equipped emotionally and educationally as they grow up. Find healthy ways to channel their anger and aggression. And end the stigma and scapegoating of those with mental health issues (like depression and anxiety, or autism, etc.), who are more likely to be victims than aggressors. Tossing people in prision*after* they commit the crime is only reactionary, we need to get in front of the issue to prevent further suffering.

We are creating these people because hate and anger in our culture are encouraged; homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, fear, toxic masculinity, and hatred of non-christian beliefs or lack of religion. Men are still men even if they cry at a movie, like pink or purple, can cook and do other domestic tasks. Aggression is lauded as a masculine trait, well folks, look what that does. It kills. It destroys lives.

 
We need studies, we need compassion. We need to do better.

30 Things, Distractions

I had to think about this a bit and came up with this list.

My cats

  • Anytime I feel cruddy I go to my cats. Petting and snuggling with them helps me focus on something positive and comforting

Video games

  • Video games keep me distracted and entertained

My go to movies

  • Alien, Aliens, Pacific Rim, LoTR, and a few others help me be distracted

Music

  • Genre depends on my mood, I like metal, some pop, trance/house/etc., classical or soundtracks

Audiobooks

  • If I am unable to focus, I will go for audiobooks while I’m laying down and resting

 

The F Off Fund

A friend of mine shared an article on social media titled “A Story of a Fuck Off Fund” where the author talks about how our financial limitations can lead us to feel trapped. Trapped in a toxic work environment, an abusive relationship, putting up with harassment because you “…need this job, there are bills to pay.”

I stayed in an abusive marriage for far too long because I didn’t have financial options and my ex exploited my anxiety and depression, and then later my health problems, to keep me under his control.

Granted this is even harder to do when a person doesn’t make enough to really have a bug out fund to protect themselves from these kinds of situations, which I find to be a travesty and why so many underprivileged folks end up in abusive and toxic conditions. Put up with harassment at work and have a roof and food over their head? Or quit and live out of their car?

30 Things, Hobbies

Hobbies! (I had a little time to squeeze this in)

I have a lot of hobbies. I love to make/create things, it’s improved my mood, and I feel like I accomplished something when I finish a project.

  •  Knitting
    • I’m going to learn to crochet this year. Yay YouTube!
    • It’s a fun activity to do while watching TV/Movies.
  • Sewing
    • I like to make my own clothing and costumes from time-to-time.
    • I also enjoy silk embroidery.
  • Painting and drawing
    • On pretty much anything. I find it relaxing.
  • Photography
    • I have a quality DSLR, and I love taking photos outside when I’m feeling up to it.
  • Camping
    • I feel the most relaxed and happy when I am able to disconnect and enjoy nature.
    • Also, gives me lots to photograph.
  • Reading/audiobooks
  • Learning new skills
  • Games
    • Board games, table-top, card, video, I like them all.
  • Other random things I pick up because I like making stuff with my hands.
  • Volunteering
    • I have volunteered for animal rescues, literacy and art, and health.

What are your hobbies?

And now I’m tired, so I’m going to go lay on my heating pad in a nest of blankets. Have a wonderful night!