It’s been a while and I apologize for that. I’ve had multiple health issues and personal problems and responsibilities come up. I’ve even had to take a hiatus from one of my contracts due to stress.
Things I’m processing:
- My health and the effect it has on my life and the people around me.
- The amount of emotional labor I put into my relationships with people and how much of the time I do not get back what I put in.
- My goals in life and how to accomplish them.
I’m finding that the more I think about myself and my needs/wants, the more I realize that I am stupidly over-generous, too kind, too giving and helpful, and there isn’t a single person on this planet who will do for me what I do for others without the relationship being at risk of becoming toxic
So. How do I take care of myself as a disabled person who has challenges with typical jobs while also protecting myself from codependency and toxic relationships? I don’t know. Yet. But I’m working on it. There is no white knight in my story to help me, I’m my own heroine. It’s my responsibility to make my own path.
Which leads me to wonder: If I can get to a place where I can take care of myself (sans things that I need to contract out for), what do I gain from romantic relationships? Aside from companionship, which in my mind can be achieved via friendships (without the obligations and messiness of romantic entanglements). And maybe have someone(s) who can help make medical decisions (Living Will/Medical Power of Attorney can do this to a degree), or pool resources with… I dunno.
Something I’m noodling on.
Note: Relationships (mono, poly, non-mono, whatever) are all valid relationship styles. I am questioning what *my* personal pros and cons are. I’m a very introverted person with many health issues, and my life has gotten complicated enough that adding complications via romantic relationships is something I have to consider.